


You Gonna Keep Me Warm?

by MadGirl_SpaceGirl_StarGirl



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, Attempted Sexual Assault, Bellarke is real change my mind, Depression, F/F, F/M, M/M, Madi may be slightly ooc but i will do my best, Mental Illness, Or get someone else to write those parts for me, PEOPLE NEED TO GIVE CLARKE A FREAKIN BREAK, PTSD, Possibly smut depending if i can get over my awkwardness, Very AU, descriptions of self harm, i miss lexa, maybe a medium burn, not slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2020-05-18 13:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19335754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadGirl_SpaceGirl_StarGirl/pseuds/MadGirl_SpaceGirl_StarGirl
Summary: Clarke has been out of the country for a long time.She's been out of the state of Arkadia for even longer and away from her friends even longer than that.But now she's back...With secrets, scars and a child.As she begins to reconnect with her old life, new feelings and relationships begin to spring up, specifically with one of her best friends older brothers, the guy who made her life miserable for years; Bellamy Goddamn Blake.She cant let it grow into anything serious...Can she?





	1. Speaking of the apocaplypse

“Ai want kom go ona te biga won!”

“English Madi” Clarke said and the little girl with the dark hair at her side rolled her eyes. 

“I want to go on the big one! And that one there spins and you have to come on it I want to see if makes you sick!” ten year old Madi giggled and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Wow, glad to see you’re in such a kind hearted mood Mads.” 

“hodnes yu” Madi grinned and Clarke smiled warmly, not even having the heart to tell the child to try and speak in English. 

“I love you too, you little gremlin.” She said. 

“Clarke!”

The voice that shouted her name sounded familiar… who was it? More importantly where was it? 

“Clarke I’m behind you, you idiot!” 

“Oh my god, Raven?” 

Raven Reyes was coming towards her, pushing through the fairground crowds like they weren’t even there. 

“Raven! Oh my Go - How long’s it been?”

When they finally reached each other, the two young women embraced in a fierce hug, before relinquishing the hold, but still keeping in contact with each other’s arms. 

“Too long dumbass.”

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asked and Raven shrugged. 

“Still a mechanic. Fairground rides are mechanical, duh!”

Same old Raven Reyes.   
Same beautiful dark eyes. Same dark chocolate hair in the same old ponytail.   
.  
.  
New leg brace. 

Just as Clarke opened her mouth to ask what happened, Raven saw where her eyes had landed and said before Clarke could speak 

“Oh that. It’s nothin’. Accident at the garage.”

“What happened?” Clarke said, pushing her short blonde hair out of her eyes, as she looked concernedly at her old friend. 

“Lift malfunctioned. Dropped a pick up on me. Had to have surgery on my spine but it was my leg that was the real problem. Nerve damage, broken bones, tendon damage. But three metal plates and sixteen titanium pins later and I’m still standing. Can’t ride my bike anymore but…” and Raven shrugged like it was no big deal, but Clarke could see the faintest tinge of sadness in her eyes. 

“I’m so sorry”

“Don’t Clarke” Raven said with a smile “don’t pity me. Anyways that’s the only thing of interest that’s happened to me since the last time we saw each other. Besides”   
And here Raven leaned to the left to stare pointedly behind Clarke  
“I think you have some more explaining to do than me.”

Clarke turned to see that Raven was staring at Madi, who was stood behind Clarke with a Blue balloon on a string in one hand and her half finished ice cream in the other. Madi was watching the exchange with a confused expression, wondering who this new person was. 

“Oh right, Madi come here.” 

Madi skipped over to Clarke’s side and then looked slightly nervously up at Raven. 

“This is Madi. Madi this is Raven.”

Madi’s eyes suddenly lit up. 

“Raven Reyes? Bilaik's os! (That’s awesome!) Clarke told me stories about yu en the skai kru en drop floudon en – (you and the sky people and the drop ship and-)” 

“Madi!” Clarke interrupted with a laugh “English please! Raven doesn’t speak Trigedasleng like me.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Madi said blushing all the way to the roots of her braided dark hair but Raven, although looking a little non plussed, smiled at the child and held out her hand, which Madi shook a little awkwardly as she tried to keep her balloon under control.

“Nice to meet you Madi. Clarke’s right I didn’t understand any of that, but I’m gonna guess that Clarke’s told you some war stories including me?”

Madi nodded, looking at her boots, still a little red in the face. Clarke held up a finger to Raven and mouthed 

“One second” 

Before turning to Madi and handing her a handful of fairground credit tokens. 

“Go and get in line for that big ride and I’ll meet you there okay? Go ona strik won. (Go on little one).”

“Sha! (Yes!)” Madi grinned before running off towards the ride. Clarke watched her go before turning back to Raven. 

“Either you hid a baby from me for seven years before we said goodbye three years ago or she’s a mutant kid who grew to the size of a nine year old in three years.” Raven said with a raised eyebrow and Clarke laughed again 

“Actually she’s ten. And it’s a long story best told not in a fairground.”

“Okay then come for a drink” Raven said grabbing Clarke’s hand “Me and the others are all going out tonight to the Dropship and you should come too!” 

“Others? You mean like-”

“Yeah the old team! Me, Octavia, Lincoln, Monty and Harper, Murphy and his girlfriend-”

“Murphy has a girlfriend?” 

“He’s had two since the last time we met” grinned Raven and Clarke let out a shocked chuckle 

“Cue the apocalypse!” she said wryly.

“Oh if you want to see the apocalypse just come out with us tonight because you didn’t let me finish. Murphy and his girlfriend… and his ex!”

Clarke’s eyes widened even more and her mouth fell open. 

“Well… that sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.” She managed to get out. 

“Exactly! So come watch it with me! Come on, come out have a drink, you never know you might meet someone…”

“Dating is the last thing on my mind right now Raven!” Clarke sighed and Raven shrugged. 

“Who said anything about dating?” she said with a wink and then added when Clarke rolled her eyes “C’mon Clarke! Tell me the truth when was the last time you went out and had fun since ‘The douchebag who starts with F but shall go nameless’ got us both all messed up?” 

A brief expression of sadness crossed Clarke’s face but she covered it quickly and said with a theatrical sigh and a half smile 

“If and only if I can get my mom to take Madi for the night. Here give me your number – unless you haven’t changed it in three years?”

The two of them exchanged numbers, another hug and then parted ways. 

By the time Clarke had found her way to Madi, the little girl had already been on the ride and was waiting by the ticket hut. When she saw Clarke approaching she started jumping up and down, squealing as Clarke came up to her 

“I just met Raven! I met Raven Reyes!”

Clarke smiled fondly down at Madi as the two of them walked towards another ride. Madi had grown up hearing stories about the Skai Kru gang and seeing her excitement at having met just one of the stars of those stories made Clarke miss her old friends even more. 

“Do you want to meet more of my friends?”

“Yes, yes , yes, yes!” 

“How do you feel about staying the night at Grandma Abby’s house?”


	2. The Dropship And Cute Redheads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes to the Dropship.  
> She meets some new faces.  
> And has doubts about reconnecting with some old ones.

“yu laik so pretty! (You are so pretty!)”

“Mochof Madi.” Smiled Clarke as she adjusted one strap of her top, then looked in the mirror, wondering if she was going to style her hair, while at the same time knowing full well she wouldn’t. It was one of the reasons she had cut her hair from the middle of her back to jaw length; it was far more manageable. 

“You’re welcome.” Madi grinned from where she was lying on her stomach on Clarke’s bed kicking her lower legs and resting her head on her hands. 

“Right go and get your backpack and I’ll be down in a minute okay?” Clarke said and Madi rolled off the bed and skipped from the room. 

Clarke watched her go and then pulled a small tube from her dressing table drawer. She read the hand written label with a tiny sad smile. 

“You were a cute red head. A little tube of temporary fire for you love. X”

Tearing her eye’s away from the familiar handwriting she squeezed a small blood of red paste out onto her finger and began to rub it into the small section of hair behind her ear which was already stained a pale red colour but because almost scarlet as the paste took hold. 

Just a small reminder. 

A small comfort. 

“Madi! teik's ge going en see your grand nomon! (Madi! Let’s get going and see your grand mother!)”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke pulled up outside the Dropship, a bar in the middle of Arkadia State’s southside. 

She hadn’t been there since she was nineteen using a fake ID, that she had made herself, to get served. 

She tugged nervously at her skirt, wondering if it was too short. 

Then she remembered where she was. What she was wearing was practically tame for the Dropship scene. A velvet skirt that stopped between her mid thing and hips, a black vest top, and fishnets. She wasn’t usually a fishnets kind of girl, but these one had such small holes that unless you got close it just looked like a normal pair of tights.   
She also had her patchwork leather jacket with her and was wearing her combat boots.

“C’mon Clarke. What’re you doing? Just go home.” She muttered to herself, looking at the glowing blue sign for the bar. 

“No. We talked about this. You are not allowed to become a shut in.”

Damn that little voice in her brain . 

And before she could hesitate any more, Clarke walked forwards and through the Dropship doors. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was packed. 

Clarke couldn’t remember it ever being this busy when she had been here last. 

She stuck to the edge of the dance floor and made her way through the crowds of people, craning her neck to try and spot Raven, or Octavia or Monty or just anyone she recognised. 

As she squeezed past a couple making out against the bar, a hand tapped her on the shoulder. It was the bartender. He was tall, with dark hair longer than hers and a scar on the right side of his face. 

“Are you Clarke?” 

She frowned slightly but nodded. 

“Raven told me to look out for you. She’s at the table in the corner.” He then slid a bottle across the bar to her “She also said your first one’s on the house.” 

“Thanks.” Clarke said, raising her usually quiet and calm voice so that she could be heard over the noise of the music and crowd. 

She grabbed the beer and made her way in the direction that the bartender had pointed. 

She could see Raven now, as well as Monty and Harper, Octavia and Lincoln and Murphy along with two girls she didn’t know. 

As she laid eyes on her old friends, Clarke suddenly grew nervous. 

What if she had been gone too long?  
What if she didn’t fit in the group anymore?  
What if they all hated her for leaving? 

“Clarke!” 

It was Harper who had spotted her first. The honey blonde girl got up from where she had been cuddled into Monty’s side and all but ran to Clarke, pulling her into a bone crushing hug which Clarke gratefully returned.   
Next came Harper’s boyfriend Monty, then Raven. Murphy gave her a mock salute but a genuine smile (or as genuine as Murphy could look) and Lincoln gave her a small smile and nod. 

“Clarke come here” Raven pulled her over to the table and pointed towards one of the two girls Clarke didn’t know “This is Emori.” 

Emori raised her glass in greeting and said 

“Hi. I’ve heard a lot.” 

When she smiled at Clarke it made the tattoo that covered a large part of the left side of her face crinkle where it came near her mouth. 

“And this” Raven pointed at the other girl “Is Lula.” 

Lula had bouncing red curls that just brushed the tops of her shoulders and piercing ocean eyes. She was pale, beautiful and appeared to be the youngest one at the table. Clarke suspected she was no older than twenty, given that she was the only one there without an alcoholic drink.   
Lula looked a lot more reserved than Emori and acted so in her greeting, merely giving her a small smile and a soft 

“Hey.” 

Before she leant back into Murphy’s side as he slung an arm round her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. 

So, Lula must be the current Murphy girlfriend.   
And Emori must be the ex Murphy girlfriend. 

Finally Clarke’s eyes fell on Octavia. The two locked eyes for a moment before Octavia gave her a slightly stiff smile and said in her serious voice 

“Welcome back Clarke.” 

Okay.   
So at least they seemed to be on speaking terms. That was a good sign. 

The next couple hours were filled with reminiscence, catching Clarke up on what she had missed in her three year hiatus and Clarke awkwardly answering questions without giving away things she’d rather avoid for now. 

Suddenly Clarke felt a presence behind her chair and an all to familiar voice said 

“Looks like you’re in my seat Princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da next chapter done!  
> Let me know what you think!  
> More soon.   
> Geronimo xx


	3. Goodnight Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has a plan.  
> A plan to deal with Bellamy.  
> It involves tequila.

"Looks like you're in my seat Princess."

Clarke froze.

And then said in a voice so quiet he probably couldn't hear her over the din of the Dropship

"Hi Bellamy."

Bellamy Blake slid fluidly into Clarke's eyeline, onto the booth side of the table next to Murphy.  
He had changed a bit since they last saw each other, but it was still essentially the same old Bellamy Blake.  
Same dark tousled hair and olive skin. Same dark eyes and annoyingly tall stature.  
New scruff along his jaw line.

She didn't get past appraising his face as he looked up and caught her looking, so she quickly averted her gaze. Instead she levelled a glare in Raven's direction and jerked her head towards the bar.

"Uh, me and Clarke are gonna get another round in. Be back in a few!" Raven said brightly and she and Clarke got up and headed to the bar.

As soon as they were away from the table Clarke rounded on Raven.

"You didn't tell me Bellamy was coming!"

Raven at least had the decency to look a little guilty. A little, but not much.

"Because I knew you wouldn't show up and I really wanted you to be here. Besides he only said he might be coming tonight. And anyways, Clarke it's been THREE YEARS! You two had to close a bond to stay this distant, you need to work through this shit!"

Clarke sighed and lay her head on the bar for a moment, before groaning and saying tiredly

"aaaarrggghhh! Maybe you're right. But it's so not happening tonight. That is not my plan for tonight."

Raven grinned triumphantly and turned to the scarred bartender.

"Hey Roan! Another round over here!"

"Not your slave Reyes!" growled Roan but Raven just laughed and tossed her hair over one shoulder.

"Yeah but you love me. So chop, chop ponytail!"

Roan tried to glower but couldn't help letting out a smirk as he started pouring drinks. As he did so, Raven turned back to Clarke.

"So, if Bellamy is off the table, what exactly is the plan for tonight?"

Clarke grabbed one of the shot glasses that Roan had just put in front of them, and down the hatch it went.

"My plan now is to get drunk. Very. Very. Drunk."  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Raaaaaveennn wh-why are there th-threeee of you right now?"

"Because you and tequila still don't mix well even after three years." Raven laughed as Clarke wrapped her arms around her friends neck and hung off her spinning in circles.

"Mmmm, Raven did I ever tell youuuuuuuu that I-I think youuuuuuu're reaaallyy sexy?"

"Erm is anyone sober enough to drive Clarke home? You know she's had enough when she starts hitting on me, because I love the girl but she knows I don't swing that way."  
Raven called to the group, or at least those who were still at the table. Monty and Harper were dancing together and Emori was dancing with some guy who had approached her at the table. Octavia and Lincoln had left about half an hour before, saying something about an early class.

Bellamy had disappeared to the bathroom and Murphy was sat in the corner of the booth seat, Lula perched sideways on his lap, leaning back into him, their heads close together.  
Muprhy didn't look away from the girl sat in his lap, just did a thumbs down gesture at Raven who sighed and put an arm around Clarke's back as the girl sagged against her.

"C'mon, Miss Griffin, let's get you in a cab." Then as they got near the bar she called "Hey Roan, call Clarke a cab for me?"

"I'll take her."

Bellamy had appeared through the crowd and Raven raised an eyebrow at him.

"If I let you take her, am I gonna see a news report tomorrow that they've pulled her body out of the river?"

Bellamy snorted and shook his head.

"Best behaviour. Promise."

Raven gave him another look before smiling and saying

"I'll help you get her in the car."

Together they got Clarke out of the Dropship and into the cool night air of the parking lot. They practically dragged the blonde to Bellamy's truck and Raven strapped her into the backseat. As Bellamy turned to say something to Raven, he noticed the brunette sway on her feet a little.

"You need a ride home too?"

Raven smiled ruefully and ran a hand through her hair.

"Probably a good idea. I cant remember where my car is anyway."

"Get in then birdbrain."

And with that Raven hopped in the passenger seat and Bellamy climbed into the drivers side and pulled out of the Dropship parking lot.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"We should get married."

Lula smiled sweetly as she helped Murphy up the stairs to their room. He had been drunk before they even got to the Dropship, but now he was almost paralytic.

The nineteen year old (who was so small that she looked the same size as a fourteen year old, which got Jon some strange looks when the two were out together) was struggling to support her boyfriend's weight and as gently as she could, deposited him onto their bed.

He rolled over onto his side with a groan and seemed to fall straight to sleep, so Lula padded into the bathroom for a quick shower. Once she was done, she slipped into one of 

Jon's Metallica t-shirts that looked like a dress on her and slipped into bed beside Murphy.

She thought he was asleep and so jumped a little when he wrapped an arm round her waist and pulled her back to his chest.

"Marry me." He mumbled into her hair and Lula smiled into the dark.

"Sure. As soon as your sober."

She felt a tired chuckle rumble through Jon's chest as he nuzzled the back of her neck.

"Hey silly girl. You know I love you right?"

"I love you too."

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"Jon?"

"Mhm?"

"You ever propose to me paralytically drunk again and I'll set Bellamy on you."

"Understood."  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Clarke was awake.

Sort of.

She was only sort of awake as someone carried her up the steps to her apartment.

Only sort of awake as someone else pulled her keys from her pocket and unlocked her front door.

Only sort of awake as the first someone put her in her bed.

And she was asleep as Bellamy looked down at her sleeping form with an odd expression on his face.

On instinct, just as he had done a hundred times before she left, Bellamy tucked a stray strand of hair behind Clarke's ear but then quickly withdrew his hand.

"Goodnight Princess. And welcome back."

But Clarke was asleep.

So she didn't hear him say it.

And she didn't hear him leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da!   
> So you may have guessed but Lula is an oc that I came up with a while ago and have been DYING to use in a story and I just felt like she fit in this.   
> So Clarke is a lightweight. Lol.   
> Hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think, I love reading comments and ideas and likes etc.  
> More soon.  
> Geronimo xx


	4. No Eggs Madi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Madi have a heart to heart.  
> Madi gets her wish of hanging out with one of her heroes.   
> Murphy is always hungry.

"Ai'm houm Clarke! Tel me chit happened last sheidgeda! (I'm home Clarke! Tell me what happened last night!)"

Madi came bounding into Clarke's bedroom and jumped onto her bed, bouncing up and down, the movement drawing a groan out from Clarke as her head span.

Opening one bleary eye, she gave Madi a pained smile and then noticed her Mom, Abby Griffin stood behind Madi's grinning face in the doorway.

"Morning Madi. Mom." She groaned rolling over.

"Did yu ge drunk? Does your head hurt? Laik yu hungover? (Did you get drunk? Does your head hurt? Are you hungover?"

"Gonasleng Madi! Em's seintaim early gon quick faya Trigedasleng questions! (English Madi! It's to early for quick fire Trigedasleng questions!)"

"That doesn't make sense you tell me to speak English, not in English. Did you know Nana Abby wants a dog? Can we get dog? She said she might by me a dog if I do good when I start school!"

"Oh did she now?" Clarke said dryly as she heaved herself up into a sitting position.

Abby had the sense to look a little guilty and tossed her daughter a small box.

"Peace offering?"

Once she saw that her Mom had tossed her painkillers, Clarke nodded, then winced at the action.

"Madi, be awesome and go get me some cereal?"

Madi jumped off the bed and said as she began to leave the room,

"Or I can make eggs? You like my eggs right Nomon?"

"Madi. Madi under NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO TRY AND MAKE EGGS!" Clarke shouted after her young charge, wincing again at the volume of her own voice.

At the curious look her mother gave her Clarke explained with a sigh

"Last time Madi tried to make eggs, she set the counter on fire. Don't ask me how but she did."

"So" Abby said trying to supress a smile "You had a good night then?"

"The parts I can remember were okay." Clarke said, downing two pills dry and trying to smooth down her bed head "Any idea how I got home?"

"Well you have a few missed calls from Raven so I'm guessing she got you a cab or drove you home herself."

"Do you – wait how do you know I have missed calls?"

"I picked up your phone from the coffee table. Here-" Abby handed Clarke her phone and then continued "I have a meeting at 12:00 so I cant stay much longer. Just thought you   
should know, I think you need to talk to Madi."

Clarke frowned.

"About what?"

"School mostly. She was talking about starting, all excited and everything but I could tell she was nervous."

"Nervous about school?"

"It's a big step Clarke. New country and home. Still trying to completely master a new language. Trying to deal with TonDC."

Clarke stiffened slightly.

"We talk about it." She said tightly and Abby came and sat on her daughter's bed.

"Sweetheart, have you considered…" but Abby tailed off like she was unsure of her words.

"Considered what?"

"Have you considered that Madi may benefit from speaking to a professional? That maybe you both would? It happened to you too Clarke."

Clarke stared at her mother for a moment before getting out of bed and heading towards her bathroom saying a little coldly

"You should go or you'll be late for your meeting. We'll see you and Kane on Tuesday."

"Clarke-"

"Don't be late."

Abby bowed her head and headed to the door.

"Mom?"

She paused and turned back.

"I'll think about it. I promise." Clarke said with a small sad smile.

Abby smiled, nodded and then left.

Just as Clarke heard the front door close, Madi reappeared with a bowl of cereal.

"Scratch cereal. Let's go out for breakfast. How does IHOP sound? Then we've got some shopping to do."

"YEY PANCAKES!"  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"So school in a week. You excited?"

"Mhmm" Madi mumbled through a mouthful of pancakes, but now Clarke could see what her mother had meant. There was something… off, in Madi's eyes at the mention of school.

Clarke finished her own bite of chocolate chip pancakes, put down her fork and reached across the table to grasp Madi's hand.

"Hey" she said earnestly "Talk to me Madi. Are you worried? About starting school?"

Madi pulled her hand back and shifted in her seat, tugging at one of her braids. She had a smudged of whipped cream on her bottom lip, which was swiped away when she licked her lips nervously.

"It's just…"

"Just what?" Clarke encouraged.

"I want to make friends."

"You will make friends Madi!" Clarke said in surprise.

"But I'm different. I have accent. My English isn't perfect. I start talking in my language on accident. They wont like me."

Clarke looked at the little girl sat in front of her, half demolished plate of pancakes in front of her, tugging on one of her braids, a few sprinkles from her pancakes caught in the bottom of one of her plaits.

"Hei, em will hogeda be okay. Ai laik sure gon em. (Hey, it will all be okay. I am sure of it.)" Clarke said with a smile.

"You are funny, and bright and have more energy than anyone I know. If you make sure that it's positive energy, then I'm sure you wont have any problems making friends." She assured but Madi still looked worried.

"What if they are mean?"

"Well then they'll have to deal with me." Clarke said and Madi smiled.

"Ai hod yu in Clarke. (I love you Clarke)"

"I love you too."

The two exchanged a smile that was interrupted by the sound of Clarke's phone buzzing on the table. She saw the caller ID and answered on the fourth ring.

"Hello Little Miss Tequila!"

"Hi Raven" grinned Clarke at the sound of Raven laughing.

"Ste bilaik Raven? Can ai talk kom her? Teik me say heya! (Is that Raven? Can I talk to her? Let me say hello!)" Madi whisper shouted, reaching for the phone, but Clarke swatted her hand away.

"Sorry Raven say that again? Madi is trying to take my phone hostage so she can talk to you."

"I said how's your head?"

"I'm just fine. How's yours?"

"Pounding if I'm honest. I couldn't find my painkillers, everything got moved around at the house when Miller and Jackson moved in. Do you want to meet me in Trikru Mall in about half an hour? I'm meeting Murphy and Lula for lunch, wondered if you wanted to hang too?"

"Well me and Madi are actually heading to Trikru for shopping anyway. School supplies. Is it okay if I bring her along?"

"Sure. I'll tell Lula to make sure Murphy is on his best behaviour. They wont be meeting us until after midday anyway, so it'll just be me to start with. Is that cool with Madi?"

Clarke turned her head slightly to look at Madi who had squeezed into her side of the booth and was straining to listen to the call. At Raven's words she nodded her head furiously and Clarke chuckled.

"She would love that. Just be prepared for a hundred questions."

"Copy that. Meet you outside Niylah's?"

"Yeah sure. See you there."

And with that she hung up the call.

"Ai'm na hang out kom Raven Reyes!" Madi cried in glee.

"Yes Madi, you're going to hang out with Raven Reyes."  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Madi you have to let her breath between questions!"

Clarke was laughing as she said it, and Madi blushed to the roots of her dark hair as Clarke and Raven chuckled.

"Sorry Miss Raven."

"It's okay kid. Nice to feel like a celebrity."

They had been wondering around the shopping centre for about an hour. Between the three of them they were carrying six bags containing; three sets of the uniform shirts, skirts and jumpers for Arakdia Elementary School. A new pencil case covered in fake paint splatters with pencils, pens, erasers and colour markers inside. A new coat, school regulation socks and a new backpack which was plain black with electric green zippers.

They were now on their way to get school shoes from Capaldi's Shoe Store, before meeting with Murphy and Lula for lunch in the food court.

They reached the store and at once Madi took off, running up and down the aisles looking for the perfect pair of shoes.

As Clarke watched her fondly she heard Raven say

"Just got a text from Murphy, they're about twenty minutes to half an hour away depending on traffic. He says Lula told him a shortcut that wasn't a shortcut. I don't believe him, Lula's a smart kid."

"So how did those two come about?" Clarke asked a little tentatively "They seem…"

"Like an odd match?" Raven supplied.

Clarke nodded and Raven did too.

"Yeah. We all thought that too. To be honest we only know what they've told us. They knew each other when they were kids, best friends really, met through their families. Fell out of touch, then she just showed up one day. They reconnected and started dating about ten months ago, after Emori and John split up."

"What's she like?"

Raven shrugged.

"She's quiet. Kind, smart. She's sweet, but she's… she's got some issues I think. She's kind of the baby of the group, only nineteen, but she looks younger. Bellamy nearly strangled Murphy when he first met her, because he walked in on them making out and he thought she was underage." Raven chuckled lightly and Clarke smiled slightly too.

"Yeah that doesn't sound too far fetched to me."

"Speaking of Bellamy" Raven said with a small smirk "You thought anymore about talking to him about everything?"

"Nope." Clarke said popping the P sound.

"Well, just so you know, he didn't think twice about volunteering to drive you home when your alcoholic ass passed out last night." Raven said smugly and Clarke frowned.

"Wait I thought you brought me home?"

"Nope" Raven copied Clarke "I could barely stand myself. He dropped me off after he took you home, and carried you up to your apartment I might add."

Clarke's mind was racing, but she was spared having to answer when Madi pranced up to them, wearing an adult sized pair of silver sparkly high heels, struggling to keep her balance.

"Can ai don emo? (Can I have these?)" the ten year old giggled and Clarke raised an eyebrow.

"You tell me; do you think the school will let you wear them?"

Madi just grinned impishly, wobbled, then stepped out of the heels and held up a pair of black leather ankle boots.

Ten minutes later, having tried on and tested them, the shoes were purchased and the trio were exiting the store.

Raven's phone beeped and she pulled it out and checked the text.

"Murphy and Lula are waiting for us in the food court. Murphy says to hurry up because he's hungry and Lula wont let him eat until we get there."

"Wow" Clarke laughed as they set off "Lula must be pretty special if she can control John Murphy's appetite!".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da chapter four all done!   
> So anyone else get the feeling Raven is enjoying meddling with Clarke and Bellamy?  
> I hope this was okay, I have to say I am so excited to write the next chapter because John Murphy has always been my favourite character!   
> Let me know what you think! I love to hear from people, thoughts, ideas, suggestions, likes etc.   
> More soon.   
> Geronimo xx


	5. The Sprog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of the gang have lunch.   
> The whole gang have dinner.   
> Madi is precious.   
> Murphy is hungry.

"I forgot Raven said you were bringing the Sprog."

Those were the first words John Murphy said to Clarke in three years.

He was sat on one side of a booth in the food court with Lula, who's red curls were tied up in two space buns. Lula smiled and raised a hand in greeting as Raven, Clarke and Madi approached.

Madi frowned, not quite understanding what the word "sprog" meant, but assuming it related to her. Then her usual room brightening grin returned and she all but ran over to the table and slid into the opposite side of the booth to Lula and Murphy.

"Hello Murphy! I'm Madi!" she said brightly and then to Lula " _Ste disha your houmon?_ "

Murphy looked positively baffled and Clarke had to stifle a chuckle.

"Madi, Lula is Murphy's girlfriend. Not his wife."

"Not yet." Murphy grinned smugly as Lula choked on her drink, her face flushing. Raven and Murphy both laughed at Lula's embarrassment, Murphy wrapping an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders and pressing an over exaggerated kiss to her cheek.

Clarke raised an eyebrow slightly at Murphy's comment.

Hearing John Murphy talk about marriage level commitment was like seeing a horse with three heads.

"You gonna sit down Clarke?"

Raven's voice brought back her attention and Clarke quickly sat down.

"Okay" Murphy clapped his hands and rubbed them together.

"Can we eat now? I'm starving."

* * *

Clarke was happy and she hadn't been expecting that.

Leaning back in her seat, her stomach full of Roma's Italian Pizza, she watched as Madi laughed at Raven and Murphy bickering while Lula smiled fondly at the scene as she leaned into her boyfriend's side.

Seeing Madi so happy had put a sense of ease into Clarke's mind. The little girl liked Lula, Raven had already promised to join Clarke in picking her from her first day at school and Murphy was making her laugh... well just by being Murphy.

It had taken Madi days to talk after they left TonDC and weeks for her to smile again.

So this was everything to Clarke.

She was brought out of her happy daze by Murphy saying

"The Mad-monster says you went redhead for a while Clarke. Gotta, say I'm sad I missed that. Got a bit of a thing for redheads." Murphy said, winking at Lula and Clarke laughed though a small tinge of sadness tugged at her heart as memories poured into her mind.

"Yeah. Didn't really take to it." Clarke said and then glanced at her watch "Madi we should really be going. We need to go to the store, especially if you want spaghetti tonight. I've got nothing at home so-"

"Have dinner at ours!" Raven blurted out. "Everyone comes round to our place on Sundays, even these two reprobates" she said gesturing to Lula and to Murphy who flipped her off, earning himself a dig in the ribs from Lula.

"John, children present!" she whispered, to which Madi just giggled.

"Anyway, everyone comes round, we fight over food for an hour then we order takeout and watch crap TV. There's always room for two more."

Before Clarke could get a word out, Madi was bouncing up and down in her seat squealing

" _Beja Clarke?! Beja beja beja! ai really want kom don dina gon their house! pretty beja? (Please Clarke?! Please please please! I really want to have food at their house! Pretty please?)"_

Clarke bit her lip and turned to Raven.

"When you say everyone..."

"I'll make sure he's on his best behaviour. O too." Raven promised.

Clarke looked from Madi's shining face to Raven's encouraging smile.

"What time should we get there and where am I going?"

* * *

"This so cool! Will Monty be at here? And Octavia?" Madi hadn't stopped jumping since Clarke had agreed to dinner at Raven's house.

She was still hopping up and down, the braids gathered on one side of her head bouncing in time, as they got out of the car at the address Raven had given Clarke.

"I don't know Madi. Raven said everyone so I guess so." Clarke said patiently, but Madi wasn't really listening as she ran through the broken gate, up the path and held the doorbell down continuously before Clarke could stop her.

"Madi!" Clarke said as she desperately tried to find where her phone had fallen out of her bag in the car.

Someone must have answered the door because the sound of the doorbell stopped, meaning Madi had taken her finger off the button.

"You lost kid?"

"Got it!" Clarke said to herself triumphantly, grabbing her phone and locking the car.

"Clarke? Clarke Griffin?"

"Oh my god, Miller?"

Nathan Miller was stood in the doorway, a beaming smile on his face. Clarke hurried up the path and the two old friends embraced.

"You look good!" Miller grinned pulling away and giving her the once over with his eyes. "Gotta ask though, who's the kid?"

"This is Madi."

"Hi Miller! Are you still dating Jackson?" Madi asked with, as usual, zero filter.

"Madi!" Clarke hissed but Miller laughed, before saying

"No I'm not kid."

"What?" Clarke asked surprised and upset that the couple she thought could withstand anything were no longer dating.

She needn't have worried though, because Miller grinned again and held up his hand, letting the porch light glint off the ring on his finger.

"Wedding's next summer." he said, a dopey, loved up look on his face.

"Oh my god! Miller congratulations!"

They hugged again and then Miller stepped aside letting Madi and Clarke enter the house.

"Everyone's through here." he said leading them down the hall.

He wasn't kidding either.

_Everyone_  was there in the back, a long room that was living room at one end and had a long dining table with an odd assortment of chairs surrounding it.

At the living room end, Raven, Harper, Monty and Emori were all sat on the biggest couch.

Octavia and Lincoln were on the love seat.

Murphy and Lula were huddled on one beanbag whilst Miller took his spot next Jackson on the other beanbag.

Bellamy however, was nowhere to be seen.

"He's picking up the takeout." Raven answered the unasked question, noticing Clarke's eyes darting round the room. "It's cheaper to pick it up than get it delivered. Sorry we ordered without you but Murphy was threatening to eat Nora." Raven pointed at a beautiful tabby cat, curled up on the window sill.

"Yeah, I'm sorry we're late. Someone couldn't decide what to wear." Clarke said, playfully tugging on one of Madi's braids.

" _Ai wanted kom seeya nice! (I wanted to look nice!)"_  Madi grumbled to Clarke in Trigedasleng, which Clarke translated for the group.

Harper, Raven, Emori and Lula all let out a collective

"Awwww!"

And Jackson called

"Fashion show! Give us a twirl Madi!"

Madi giggled and span on the spot, making her puffy, sparkly black 'tutu-esque' skirt float around her.

Madi had picked the outfit out herself and was proud of her creation.

The black tutu skirt, a white t-shirt with "girls bite back" written across it and her own mini version of Clarke's patchwork leather jacket. On her legs she wore black and silver stripy tights and black boots.

After everyone in the room (including Murphy, with some encouragement from Lula) had assured Madi she looked great, they heard the sound of the front door opening.

"Who's hungry?"

Bellamy's voice came booming from the hallway, ten seconds before the man himself entered the room, carrying a large cardboard box.

"Finally!" Murphy said, clambering to his feet and heading towards the table, where Bellamy had deposited the box and was already unpacking food. The rest of the group made their way over and started taking the dishes they recognised as theirs.

Clarke and Madi hung back, though Madi was chomping at the bit, muttering in Trig how she wanted to get a seat next to Raven or Monty, so Clarke let her go.

Clarke was looking with a small smile around the cluttered house, when she felt someone coming up to her.

Of course it was Bellamy, holding one of the containers.

"Ordered your usual. Didn't know if you still liked it but..." he tailed off with a shrug, holding out the container to her.

"Egg fried rice and Malaysian satay chicken" he said and Clarke smiled.

"Still the best takeout meal ever." she said and Bellamy chuckled before awkwardness descended over them once again.

"Hi Bellamy!" On cue Madi came bounding up.

"Hi. You must be Madi right? Raven told us about you." Bellamy smiled at the little girl, who beamed that Bellamy Blake knew who she was.

"Uh, Raven ordered Chicken chow mein for you. She said you told her you like noodles. Is that okay?"

" _Chit ste chow mein?_ " Madi asked Clarke with a frown and Clarke leaned down and said with a stage whisper

"Well why don't you try it and find out!"

"Okay!"

And with that Madi skipped off again, back to the table.

"She's really something huh?" Bellamy said with a wry smile.

"That she is" Clarke agreed.

"Kind of reminds me of O, when she was a kid. All that energy."

"Oh Madi has three settings. Asleep, race car and rocket ship." Clarke explained, earning a genuine laugh from Bellamy.

"Don't let her play any video games with Murphy then. It's the most animated I ever see him get."

"Actually Murphy's her favourite. Well him and Octavia."

"Favourite?"

"From the stories."

"You told her about us?" Bellamy said surprised and Clarke gave him a surprised look of her own.

"Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?"

A new expression came across Bellamy's face. It was part anger, part betrayal, part sadness.

"Well you up and left in the middle of the night Clarke. Not a word to anyone. Kinda figured you wanted to forget us."

Clarke opened and closed her mouth. But she couldn't speak.

So she walked away and joined Madi at the table.

And she did her bet to avoid eye contact with Bellamy for the rest of the night.

* * *

Everyone was fed and full.

The empty containers had been thrown out and the table tidied and now almost everyone was lounging in the living room again.

Clarke had managed to grab one of the beanbags and she was sat on it, with Madi's head in her lap, gently stroking the little girl's hair, listening to Jackson and Miller talk about wedding plans.

Just as Murphy made some joke about a stag party, Clarke glanced at the time then down at Madi who was fighting desperately to stay awake, though her young eyes kept fluttering closed.

" _Time kom bants en go houm kom sleep strik won. (Time to leave and go home to sleep little one.)_ " she murmured and Madi mumbled something unintelligible.

Carefully, Clarke manoeuvred herself out from under Madi then, with a little difficulty, hoisted the petite ten year old up onto her hip, her braided head resting on Clarke's shoulder.

"We uh, we're going to make a move. Need to get this one into bed." Clarke said to the group and Raven got to her feet.

"I'll walk you out." she said and the two young women and the little girl who was almost asleep, headed out into the hall.

They paused as Raven unlocked the deadbolt and as they were stationary for a moment Madi sleepily pointed at a picture hanging on the wall.

"Who's that?" she mumbled.

It was a picture taken in front of a house, different to this one. In the picture was Lincoln, Octavia, Monty, Harper, Bellamy and...

"That's Gina."

Clarke whipped her head around to see Octavia stood at the bottom of the stairs, a steely expression on her face.

"You remember Gina, right Clarke?"

"Octavia!" Raven growled "Not the time."

"Oh I don't know. Now's a good as time as any." Octavia said casually.

"O!" Bellamy had appeared at the other end of the hall.

"Hey big brother. Clarke's kid was just asking about Gin-"

"Not now O. Not in front of the kid."

Octavia levelled her gaze at Clarke for a moment before disappearing past her brother.

"Bellamy..." Clarke began but Bellamy stopped her.

"It's fine Clarke. Get Madi home."

And then he disappeared after his sister.

Clarke let out a breath then carried Madi out to the car.

After buckling Madi into the passenger seat Clarke got behind the wheel and paused for a minute, resting her head against the leather of the wheel.

She could feel tears welling, and bit her lip trying to hold them back.

"Dammit!" she whispered angrily thumping the steering wheel with her right hand.

"Clarke?" Madi mumbled, stirring slightly " _Laik yu alright? (Are you alright?)_ "

" _Sha madi. Osir're going houm. (Yes Madi. We're going home.)_ "

And with that, Clarke wiped at her eyes, started the engine and drove off into the night.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was okay.   
> Trying to start slowly revealing stuff now.   
> Let me know what you think, I love hearing from you.   
> It warms my cold dead heart.   
> More soon.   
> Geronimo xx


	6. First Day Of School And A Hypothetical Puppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madi starts school.   
> Clarke is a wreck.   
> And mama bears claws come out.

"Okay, got your pencil case, your notebook, do you want more snacks in your lunch box?"

" _Ai don em hogeda Clarke! yu need kom nou get yu daun! (I have it all Clarke! You need to stop worrying!)"_

Clarke stopped smoothing down Madi's school skirt and stood back her hands clasped under her chin and her eyes shining as she looked at the little girl stood before her in her brand new school uniform, with her shiny shoes, clutching the straps of her fully stocked backpack with one hand.

Her other hand was tugging, as it ever was, on the longest braid that hung down out of the mess of braids piled on the right side of her head.

"Are you crying  _nomon_?" Madi asked wide eyed as Clarke sniffed.

"No of course not silly!" Clarke beamed and Madi smiled a little nervously back at her.

There was the sound of a horn blasting from outside.

"That's Raven. You ready  _strik won_ _? (little one?)_ "

Madi nodded and scurried past Clarke, out the front door, down the stairs and out to Raven who was stood leaning against her car.

"Hey Madi. All ready for the big first day?" the brunette grinned raising a hand to Clarke in greeting, though her eyes were on Madi.

Madi nodded, not speaking, then she hopped into the back seat.

Clarke climbed into the passenger seat and Raven started the engine and pulled away from the sidewalk.

"Remind me why I agreed to this again?"

"Because you love Madi and my car is still in the garage?"

"Oh yeah, I knew there was some reason!" Raven chuckled.

They had been driving for a few minutes in silence when Raven spoke.

"So" she said slowly "Haven't seen you properly since that Sunday dinner..."

"Madi, headphones." Clarke said and Madi for once didn't argue, putting her headphones on over her pile of braids.

"Look Octavia was out of line, but you know how she holds a grudge. I ate her cereal once and she didn't speak to me for a month."

"I knew she was still angry but... I don't know. I guess I kind of deserved it."

"Hell no! No one thought she should have called you out like that, even Murphy. And Bellamy? Bellamy was more pissed at her than anyone, especially for starting on you in front of Madi." Raven said passionately before quieting a little when Madi shot her a curious look from the back seat.

"It's just going to take time Clarke. Me, Monty, Harper, all of us, we're all glad you're back, even Octavia. She's just angry, because Bellamy's the only one in her family she has any connection to and I'm not going to lie, you hurt him more than anyone. So she's angry for him, even if he isn't anymore."

Clarke thought about that for a moment, but before she could say anything, Raven had pulled into the school parking lot and parked in a bay.

"You ready Madi?" Clarke said as they climbed out of the car.

" _Sha..._ " Madi said hesitantly, looking up at the school building, swallowing nervously.

"Hey" Clarke crouched down in front of the little girl, taking both her small hands in her own "A _i tombom en sonraun. Yu don got disha. Yu laik smart, beautiful en funny. En yu laik na be sensational. (M_ _y heart and life. You have got this. You are smart, beautiful and funny. And you are going to be sensational.)"_

Madi beamed down at Clarke and threw her arms around the blonde in a squashing hug, which Clarke returned.

"Want me to walk you in?" Clarke said as Madi released her.

" _Laik yu na cry? (Are you going to cry?_ " Madi asked and Clarke laughed, with a slight hiccup of emotion.

"Yes, yes I might cry."

"Then no" Madi giggled and Clarke laughed again, as Raven stepped forwards.

"How bout I walk you in huh? Crying Clarke may not be cool, but Ex biker, mechanic Auntie Raven with a bad ass leg brace? Definitely cool."

Madi beamed and took Raven's hand.

Clarke straightened back up once again and watched as her best friend began to walk with Madi towards the school gates. Raven looked back over her shoulder and mouthed

"I got this!"

As they got to the gate, Madi turned and waved wildly at Clarke calling back to her

"Love you  _Nomon_!"

* * *

Ten minutes later Raven returned to find Clarke sat in the passenger seat of her car, wiping her eyes.

"Hey" Raven said gently, putting a hand on Clarke's shoulder "She's okay. Got grabbed by a group of girl's straight away and pulled off into the playground. She's fine."

"Good" breathed Clarke with a sniff.

"She's going to be great Clarke."

"I know. I just wish..."

Clarke tailed off and Raven looked at her.

She knew Clarke. Knew that pushing her for her thoughts wasn't a good idea right now.

"Hey, the house is basically empty I think, well at least I know for sure Octavia isn't there. You got anywhere to be?"

Clarke shook her head.

"My job at the gallery doesn't start for another week."

"Then me and you are going to go back to the house. We are going to find the nicest bottle of wine we can and we are going to watch crappy day time TV until Madi finishes school."

"Hey I meant to ask before, what does  _Nomon_  mean?"

* * *

"Reprobates! Got little Miss Griffin here! She's in emotional-first-day-back-at-school mode so tread lightly!" Raven yelled as they walked into the house.

"You women! Overly emotional creatures, all of you!" Murphy called from his horizontal position on the couch where he was focused on blowing the heads off of zombies on the Playstation.

His clearly sarcastic comment was immediately followed by a cry of

"Ow!"

As Raven smacked him round the back of the head as she headed to the cabinet that housed all their alcohol.

She grabbed two glasses, a bottle of Merlot and closed the cupboard door with her foot, before turning and heading back to Clarke who had collapsed onto the left side of the love seat, curling her black jean clad legs up underneath her.

"No Lula today?"

"She's got lectures until 1:30pm" Murphy said and Clarke looked over at him.

"What's she studying?"

"Mythology. Focusing on the differences in cultures. Full scholarship to Polis University." Murphy said proudly.

"That's great" Clarke said with genuine enthusiasm, though she still sounded a little choked up.

"Yeah. She was just going to do Ancient History but Bellamy turned her onto the whole fairy tale side. Ain't that right Myth Man?!" Murphy directed his last sentence over his shoulder towards the kitchen.

"Myths aren't fairy tales Murphy" Bellamy's voice said tiredly and Clarke started slightly in her seat, careful not to spill her wine. She had been thinking so intently about Madi that she hadn't even noticed that Bellamy was sat at the kitchen table, his hair sticking up in all directions, looking like he had just rolled out of bed, the look completed by the bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Late night Bellamy?"

"I was up till 3am on the phone with Charlotte. Nightmare's are back again." The dark haired man sighed a little sadly.

Clarke wondered who Charlotte was as Raven started explaining where everyone else was.

Lincoln and Octavia were technically still on vacation so they hadn't needed to go to work. Instead the couple had decided to spend their third to last day of freedom on a hike through the North Woods.

Jackson was at the hospital and Miller was at a meeting because he was in charge of coordinating security for the upcoming charity gala for the City Of Light foundation.

Lula was at her lectures.

Emori was visiting her brother.

Raven was home because it was her day off, the restaurant Murphy was working at was under going refurbishment so he was at home and today was Bellamy's last day of vacation, though from what it sounded like he had never stopped working.

Clarke was too afraid to ask what Bellamy was doing for work now, because before she had left he had been working nights as a security guard/custodian while he was in his first year of studying history.

Clarke slowly began to relax as she let the mind numbing noise of Toddlers & Tiaras wash over her.

"If I ever find out you've put Madi in one of these damn pageant things, I'll hit you with my car." Raven said as she watched in fascinated disgust as a Mom put her screaming child into a dress that was more sequins than material.

"No fear of that happening. Ever." Clarke agreed.

* * *

They walked to the diner round the corner for lunch at about 1:30, with Murphy shouting after them to bring him back a bacon sandwich.

Bellamy had disappeared upstairs to shower and dress before they left.

Clarke and Raven sat in a booth in the corner of the diner, both nursing large strawberry milkshakes and waiting for their food. Raven was waiting for a bacon cheeseburger and Clarke a hot dog.

"You know you never actually explained how you left with not so much as a pet and came back with a ten year old." Raven said and Clarke sighed.

"I know. And I will. I just don't have the energy today Ray."

"I get it. Sorry for bringing it up."

"It's okay."

The food came over and they started to eat.

They talked about stupid stuff, school memories, Raven's almost engagement, Raven's accident, Raven's job, Raven's almost arrest.

A lot about Raven really, which suited Clarke just fine.

When they finished, they got Murphy's sandwich and walked back to the house.

Murphy swore violently at Raven as she threw the wrapped sandwich at his head, distracting him from his Call Of Duty game against Bellamy who was now dressed and sat on the couch.

Clarke and Raven settled themselves at the dining room table with two cups of coffee, watching Murphy get increasingly more annoyed as Bellamy kicked his ass on the video game.

Just as Murphy threatened to kill Bellamy's hypothetical puppy, Raven's phone buzzed on the table and she checked it, a smile coming over her face as she read the text.

"Well I know that look..." Clarke said with a slowly spreading grin and Raven laughed, her cheeks darkening slightly. "Who is he?"

"You actually sorta met him already..."

Clarke thought for a minute and then it dawned on her.

"The bartender?!"

Raven grinned.

"Yeah, Roan."

"Wow! Is it serious?"

"Yes and no" Raven shrugged "We're exclusive, but it's just fun for now.  _A lot_  of fun." She emphasised with a smirk and Clarke laughed.

"Do not! Do not go into details please! I'll just take your word for it. But I'm glad you're happy."

"What about you?" Raven said carefully "You happy?"

"Happier than I've been for a while. I've been busy you know? Getting Madi used to how life is different here to TonDC." Seeing the slightly confused look on Raven's face Clarke explained "TonDC is the island where Madi was born."

"Okay. That's all well and good and everything but that isn't what I meant and you know it." Raven said raising an eyebrow at Clarke. "Don't tell me you've been single for the last three years? Well four if you include the year before you left. Seriously please don't tell me you've been single since douchebag Collins?"

"There was one-"

But thankfully Clarke was interrupted by Raven's phone blasting Panic! At The Disco's "Death of a Bachelor" into the room. Raven held up a finger as she answered the call.

"Sinclair? Yeah... uh huh... right now?... Shit... yeah... okay I'll be there in twenty!"

And then she hung up getting to her feet.

"Clarke I gotta go, emergency at the shop, Sinclair needs me and I could be there late... Hey Bellamy?!" She called as she hurried to grab her jacket and bag.

"What?"

"Can you take Clarke to pick up Madi and drop them home when school ends?"

"Sure." Bellamy answered and Clarke wasn't sure if she wanted to smile or cry at his readiness to help.

"Awesome, Clarke call me later! Peace out reprobates!"

And with that Raven left the house.

* * *

"Who's Charlotte?"

It was the first thing Clarke could think of to break the silence in the truck.

Bellamy glanced at her and sighed.

"Charlotte's a kid at St Becca's Care Home."

When Clarke didn't speak, Bellamy continued.

"After I graduated I wanted to do more than just teach. So I work one on one with the kids at the home when I'm not covering classes. Charlotte..."

And here he sighed again.

"Charlotte's got some problems. A lot of problems. She wouldn't even say a word when I first met her, now I'm the only one she talks too. She's a good kid. I do what I can to help, but..."

"But it feels like no matter how hard you try, you aren't doing enough." Clarke finished and Bellamy nodded.

"All you can do is your best Bellamy. And I know for a fact that your best is pretty damn amazing. Charlotte's lucky to have you in her life."

"I could say the same thing about you and Madi."

They lapsed into silence once more but it was a much more comfortable quiet than before.

They arrived at the school three minutes before the final bell rang.

Madi was the second child to exit the gates and Clarke's heart sank as she saw that the little girl's face was streaked with tear tracks.

"Madi?!"

Clarke ran towards her just as Madi began to do the same.

The brunette braided child threw herself into Clarke's arms, as Clarke heard Bellamy's footsteps come up behind her.

" _Chit happened? laik yu hurt? chit's wrong, talk kom me! (What happened? Are you hurt? What's wrong, talk to me!)_ " Clarke said, scanning Madi's face and body for any physical damage.

Madi hiccuped and and choked on her words as she said

"He-he-he said I was stupid!"

"Who did?!" Clarke asked, trying to conceal her anger.

"A-And he-he made- he made f-fun of my h-hair!"

"Madi who did?"

But Madi shook her head.

"I-I'll g-get in trouble!"

"Madi" Bellamy crouched down so he was level with Clarke and looking up at Madi "Madi, who said those things? You're not going to get in trouble I promise. Just tell Clarke who it was."

Bellamy's voice was so calm and measured that it seemed to sooth Madi slightly.

"M-my Math teacher."

Clarke's jaw dropped at the revelation it was a teacher who had reduced her child to tears and she felt Bellamy tense up beside her. Clarke was back on her feet before she had even consciously made the decision to, taking Madi's hand and marching towards the school.

"What's his name Madi?"

"Mr- Mr Lightbourne." Madi hiccuped, rubbing at her eyes with her free hand.

As they entered the mains school building Clarke, through her anger, became aware of someone walking beside her.

And of course it was Bellamy.

She looked up at him, and although he was doing a far better job at hiding it than she was, Clarke could tell he was angry as well and she knew why.

It was the same reason he had stayed up till three in the morning to talk to a little girl having nightmares.

Looking down at her, Bellamy nodded once and said grimly

"I got your back Princess."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew that took a long time to write.
> 
> Hope it was okay!
> 
> Mama bear Clarke is coming with her claws out!
> 
> Let me know what you think, I love to hear from you!
> 
> More soon.
> 
> Geronimo xx


	7. Beda ai call Belomi nontu nau?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mama bear has a claws out.   
> With Bellamy Blake to back her up.   
> This teacher is FUCKED

" _Madi tel me chit happened (tell me what happened)_ " Clarke said as they walked through the school corridors.

Madi sniffed and started to tell the story.

" _Osir were in class. Em asked a question en ai did nou know the answer. Ai got em foto en em made fun gon me. Gon ai sleng en accent. (We were in class. He asked a question and I did not know the answer. I got it bad and he made fun of me. Of my language and accent.)_ "

Through gritted teeth, Clarke translated for Bellamy before encouraging Madi to continue.

" _Won gon the boys, pulled ai braid. Ai told em kom nou ba em didnt. Mr lightbourne said "maybe taim ai didnt don hair like a savage ethan wouldn't ge distracted" den em took away ai recess tomorrow. Em said ai was being disruptive. (One of the boys, pulled my braid. I told him to stop but he didnt. Mr Lightbourne said "Maybe if I didnt have hair like a savage Ethan wouldn't get distracted" then he took away my recess tomorrow. He said I was being disruptive.)_ "

Clarke was fuming, and from the look on Bellamy's face, he was almost as angry.

They rounded another corner and came face to face with a red classroom door, with 'MR R LIGHTBOURNE' printed on it.

Clarke didn't hesitate.

Didn't even knock.

Just threw the door open.

Inside was a man sat at his desk. He was tall, with greying hair and beard and a pair of glasses perched on the end of his nose as he sat, seemingly marking test papers.

"Do you get off on bullying your students?"

Mr Lightbourne looked up in surprise.

"I beg your pardon? Who are you?"

"I asked if you get off on bullying vulnerable students? And I'm Clarke Griffin. I'm Madi's mother and I'm the one who's going to report you to the board of governors and the director of education in Arkadia State. Now I'm going to ask you again, why the hell would you pick on a vulnerable student?"

Clarke was clearly ready to rip the teacher's head off and Bellamy knew it, so he put a hand on her shoulder in a silent effort to calm her and, if necessary, hold her back.

Lightbourne eyes darted from Clarke to Bellamy to Madi and back again, before a tight lipped smile crawled onto his face.

"Miss Griffin, I'm not sure what Madi told you but, I'm afraid you have the completely wrong impression of things."

"Do I? Because I'll tell you one thing, my daughter? She doesn't lie."

Lightbourne stood from behind the desk and walked round in front of it.

"If Madi misunderstood my words then I'm sorry she misinterpreted because of her poor English-"

"Is that what your issue is?"

It was Bellamy who spoke now, eyes narrowed on the grey haired man.

"You picked on and humiliated a ten year old because you have some xenophobic prejudice about the fact she makes mistakes speaking English sometimes?"

Lightbourne's jaw tightened though the smile never dropped.

"I do believe that Madi would have greater success at fitting in if she spoke proper English, all the time, instead of slipping into, what do you call it? Tigishdasleng?"

"Trigedasleng.  _Ai speak the sleng seintaim, do yu don a problem kom me? (I speak the language too, do you have a problem with me?)_ " Clarke growled, the Trig words sounding venomous, as she took a step towards Lightbourne, until she felt Bellamy's hand on her shoulder, partly in restraint and partly in comfort. Clarke took a breath and then looked at Lightbourne with a laser sharp glare.

"Trigedasleng is part of Madi's culture, it's her heritage - actually, you know what I don't need to justify why my child is allowed to speak in her native language. What you did is despicable."

With an obviously forced look of contrition, Lightbourne said whilst concealing a sigh

"What can I do to fix this Mr and Mrs Griffin?"

"You can't fix this, but the least you can do is apologise to Madi."

After Lightbourne apologised in a simpering, sickly voice, Clarke, Bellamy and Madi left the office. Then after a conversation with Principal Gabriel Santiago it was settled. Madi would be removed from Russell Lightbourne's class, Lightbourne would be reported to the education board and Principal Santiago himself would tutor Madi to help her with her English and catch her up in the other subjects she was behind in.

Madi was looking a lot happier halfway through the conversation and looked positively thrilled when Principal Santiago crouched down to where Madi was clinging onto Clarke's leg, offered her a hand to shake and said with a smile

" _Ai hope bilaik yu laik a fan gon studying. (I hope that you are a fan of studying.)_ "

" _Nomon nomon! did yu hear? em said-_ "

"Yes yes, I heard Madi." Clarke smiled, while raising an eyebrow at Gabriel who smiled a little sheepishly and said with a half shrug

"I spent some time in TonDC when I was a grad student. International teacher training programme. I have to say though, my Trigedasleng is a little rusty. Perhaps Madi will teach me something too."

Madi's new found joy was made quite clear the moment they got back into the truck.

" _So do ai call Belomi 'nontu' nau? (So do I call Bellamy 'dad' now?_ "

It took Clarke a moment to realise what Madi was getting at.

"Madi Lexa Griffin!" She exclaimed, looking scandalised as she turned in her seat to stare at the grinning little girl.

"What did she say?" asked a curious Bellamy.

"She..." Clarke flushed as she half mumbled, half stated through gritted teeth "She's making a little joke about the fact her" and here Clarke reached between the seats to put her hands over Madi's ears "her douchebag teacher called us Mr and Mrs Griffin, and neither of us corrected him."

Three expressions crossed Bellamy's face in quick succession.

Realisation.

Wide eyed surprise.

And then flushed awkwardness which he covered with a chuckle.

"Guess we didn't."

They drove back to Clarke's place in the most comfortable uncomfortable silence ever, with Madi grinning and humming away in the back seat.

Finally they made it back and as they got out of the car, Clarke patted Madi's shoulder and said quietly

"How bout you go start on your homework  _strik won_?"

" _Sha Nomon._ "

And with that Madi scampered up the stairs towards the apartment.

Sticking her hands into her pockets, Clarke turned back to Bellamy who was leaning with his arms on the hood of the truck.

"So... thanks. For the ride." Clarke said, internally cringing at how awkward she sounded.

"No problem."

They looked at each other for a moment before Bellamy wrapped his knuckles on the hood and opened his door.

However before he got in he paused.

"You know, Lightbourne had it wrong."

Clarke rolled her eyes.

"Obviously."

Bellamy chuckled.

"Yeah... You'd be Mrs Blake. Not Mrs Griffin."

And in the time it took for Clarke's jaw to hit the sidewalk, Bellamy had gotten into the truck and driven away.

.

.

.

Well what the shimmering fuck was she supposed to do with that sentence?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da!
> 
> Sorry it's been a while, I'm back at college so writing is a bit harder at the moment.
> 
> Also, depression is a bitch.
> 
> But hey the good news is I'm finally getting to watch season 6 properly so yey.
> 
> Let me know what you think, I love hearing from you.
> 
> More soon.
> 
> Geronimo xx


	8. Griffin Special Sauce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner is served...  
> With a shit tonne of angst on the side.

_"Yu hodnes em, yu hodnes em, Clarke ste in hodnes kom Bellamy! (You love him, you love him, Clarke is in love with Bellamy!)"_

"Miss Madi Lexa Griffin, if you don't stop that right now..."

Clarke let the threat hang in the air as she stirred the sauce that was simmering on the stove.

_"Yu hodnes em! En em ste in hodnes kom yu! (You love him and he is in love with you!)"_

"Madi! I do not love Bellamy. And Bellamy certainly does not love me!"

Madi stopped dancing around the table as she sang her little song and instead came to stand at Clarke's side with a grin on her face.

"If you don't love him then why is he coming to dinner?"

"Because he is a friend. And Raven asked if she could bring him."

" _Sha (Yeah)_ , sure..." Madi smirking gleefully, ducking as Clarke swiped at her with her spoon.

"I though you wanted to change before they got here?" Clarke sighed and Madi skipped out of the room, waiting till she was a safe distance away before she started singing again

_"Yu hodnes em, yu hodnes em, Clarke ste in hodnes kom Bellamy! (You love him, you love him, Clarke is in love with Bellamy!)"_

* * *

"Who's Gina?"

Aww shit.

It had been going so well.

Bellamy and Raven had arrived, bringing with them a bottle of wine and a chocolate cake for desert, which apparently Murphy had made under protest.

_"Murphy made this? Are you sure it's not poisoned?" Clarke said to which Raven laughed and Bellamy smiled._

They had sat down to dinner, after Madi's fashion show.

Raven and Bellamy showered her with praise for her creation, a black dungaree short set over a red and white polka dot t-shirt with black and red stripey tights under sparkly sneakers.

Clarke served dinner (Spaghetti, with Griffin Special Sauce, parsley and Parmesan cheese), Bellamy poured the adults a glass of wine each and Madi a lemonade and blackcurrant in a wine glass so she didn't feel left out and they began to eat.

Raven did most of the talking, half complaining and half talking about Sinclair and Wick and the garage and Wick and Roan and Wick. Bellamy filled in with a few stories from work and class. Clarke told a couple anecdotes about Madi's antics.

It had been going so well.

And then...

"Who's Gina?"

A deathly silence fell over the table as Madi looked around expectantly.

"She was in a picture at your house. Octavia told her name but I don't remember her from stories. Who is she?"

"She was my girlfriend." Bellamy said gruffly, clearing his throat. Raven was looking between the other three anxiously and Clarke was staring at her plate, not knowing how to undo the damage that had already been done. It wasn't Madi's fault, but innocent curiosity was burying Clarke in an early grave.

"Did you break up?"

"No Madi. She uh, she died, few years ago."

"I'm sorry Bellamy. She'll be in the Flame now.  _Like ai other nomon en grandnontu (Like my other mom and grandfather)_ "

"Madi. That's enough.  _Go kom your room beja_."

Clarke had found her voice again and barked out the words, wilting inside slightly at the look of hurt on Madi's face as she slowly got down from the table.

Raven didn't need to speak Trig to understand that Clarke had asked Madi to go to her room, and she got up too.

"Why don't you show me your room Madi? C'mon let's go."

Raven took Madi's hand and the two walked upstairs.

Leaving Clarke and Bellamy alone.

"Didn't need to jump down her throat like that. It's not Madi's fault." Bellamy said before letting out a dark chuckle "You told her the stories, but I guess not all of them right?"

"She knows what happened, to an extent anyway. Just not everyone who was involved. She knows about Fox, John M, Maya... my dad." Clarke said with a slight crack in her voice.

"But not Gina? Not Jasper?" Bellamy sounded less sad now.

Now he sounded angry.

"You can't just pick and choose who and what you remember Clarke!"

"I don't!" Clarke was on her feet now, her arms wrapped around herself "I think about them every day Bellamy. Everyone we lost in Mount Weather, I remember them all. I remember everything. But..."

"But what?" Now Bellamy was on his feet too "But Gina? Jasper? What they weren't important enough to tell Madi about? Tell me something Clarke, did you tell her how you ran out on me- all of us? How you abandoned us after the worst day of our lives? Or was that just as insignificant as Gina and Jasper?"

"They weren't insignificant! I just..."

"JUST WHAT?"

"I couldn't tell her because it hurt too much!"

Tears that had been shining in Clarke's eyes had now spilled over.

"Talking about Jasper just reminded me that it was my fault he died. I couldn't save Maya and he just... he walked into that fire and..." Clarke bit her lip as fresh tears fell "And talking about Gina... it reminded me of you. It reminded me that I couldn't save her and then I left you!"

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"All of you." Clarke said in a broken whisper.

More silence.

And then...

"Clarke?"

Raven had reappeared.

"Madi's asking for you. She's... she's real upset. Bellamy I think we should go."

"Yeah... yeah we should... I should..."

And with that Bellamy left the room.

"Call me later okay?" Raven said, giving Clarke a quick hug before following Bellamy out of the apartment.

* * *

" _Madi? Ste em okay taim ai come in? (Is it okay if I come in?)_ "

" _Sha."_

When Clarke entered Madi's bedroom she found the little girl, curled up in a blanket fort that she must have constructed with Raven, because it hadn't been there earlier.

"Permission to enter Fort Madi?"

" _Sha._ "

Clarke crawled into the blanket fort and sat beside Madi. Madi's young eyes were puffy and red and she sniffed a little.

"Clarke, I'm sorry I made you and Bellamy fight. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm-"

"Madi it's not your fault! It's all my fault, I..."

Clarke hesitated then ploughed on.

"Do you remember the Mount Weather story?"

"The bomb?"

"Yeah."

" _Sha_ , I remember."

"Well... I didn't tell you everything. Do you want to hear the whole thing? Then you'll know why Bellamy was upset."

" _Okay Nomon_."

"Okay. I'm going to tell you a story."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da!
> 
> The angst is real with Bellamy and Clarke! More will be revealed when Clarke tells Madi her story.
> 
> Hope this was okay!
> 
> Let me know what you think I love to hear from you!
> 
> More soon.
> 
> Geronimo xx


	9. Past My Bed Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tells a story.   
> Madi makes a choice.

"It was the summer before I met you and your  _nomon_."

They were sat on Madi's bed, the young girl leaning into Clarke's side as the blonde spoke, braiding Madi's hair in order to keep her focus.

"You know most of this Madi. How there was the special building for a cul- group of people who didn't like strangers?"

"The Mount Weather Church right?" Madi chimed in and Clarke nodded, tying off one braid and starting on another.

"That's right. Now the man in charge of the church, he was arguing with the council, because they thought the building was very old and maybe not safe to stay in. So, Dante Wallace, the leader, he made a deal with the Chancellor. He said that if the Chancellor let them stay in the church, he would let some of the city engineers in to make sure the building was safe for everyone."

Clarke took a breath and ploughed on.

"You remember I told you that the Mount Weather people didn't like strangers?"

Madi nodded.

"Well some of them were very angry about Dante letting strangers into the church. They were angry with the people and with Wallace so... so they made a bomb to try and scare people."

"I remember. You said it went wrong and it made the building fall and catch on fire and that's why  _Grandnontu_  Jake died because he was an engi - enginar?"

"Engineer. Yes, Grampa Jake was an engineer and he died in the fires."

"But why is Bellamy angry  _nomon_?"

Clarke exhaled shakily, blinking back her tears.

"Me and Bellamy... some of our friends died that day too. Fox and John M and Anya, they were training to be engineers and got caught in the blast. And... there was a boy... called Jasper. He was in love with a girl from the church. Maya. He wanted her to leave Mount Weather and be with him. She..."

Clarke swallowed, a lump in her throat.

"Grand nomon Abby and me were asked to help the doctors at the church. And Maya... Maya got hurt in the explosion. I tried to help her but... but I couldn't and she... she died. And Jasper was very sad. And he walked... he walked into the fire."

Madi looked up, visibly horrified.

" _Why would em do bilaik? (Why would he do that?)_ "

"Because he was very sad Madi. Sometimes people get so sad that it makes them sick. And when they are that sad sometimes they want to go to a different place. Jasper was very sad about Maya and he wanted to be in a better place with her."

Madi thought for a minute still clearly upset.

"What about Bellamy's Gina friend? Did she die too?"

That was enough for Clarke's tears to start falling.

"Yeah. Yes she did Madi. I couldn't save her either. She was assistant manager on the building site and got trapped when the building came down. I couldn't save her... I couldn't save any of them."

Suddenly Madi was angrily protesting in Trig.

" _em beda nou be pis gon yu! em was nou your fault! (He should not be angry at you! It was not your fault!)_ "

"Shhh, shhh, Madi, Madi,  _chilla! (be calm!)_ Bellamy never blamed me, he never blamed me!"

Clarke had no idea if this was true. She had always wondered if Bellamy blamed her for the deaths of Gina and their friends. She hoped not. But even if he did, she didn't want to ruin Madi's love from the hero of so many of her stories.

"Then why is he angry?"

"Because I left him - them. I left them all. I was so sad after Mount Weather... about Jasper, Gina, my dad and then losing... I - I got sick afterwards... so I ran away. I ran away and I didn't say goodbye. I wrote to him. Every day. But I never sent them. Because they needed me... and I ran."

Clarke's voice was vague, almost dreamy like she was finally realising things for herself.

Suddenly a sharp sense of clarity came over Clarke and she was appalled at herself.

"I shouldn't be telling you all this - you're - you're a child... I shouldn't..."

"Clarke. I saw my mom get killed in front of me when I was eight. Stories about death don't scare me." Madi said and in that moment she looked and sounded so much older than her ten years, eyes aged by the things she had seen in her short life.

Clarke's heart broke once more.

She pressed a kiss to Madi's forehead as the little girl snuggled into her side.

"You know" she murmured "We never really talked about it. Your mom. Everything was so crazy getting out of TonDC and coming home... the soldiers and the police... immigration... we never really talked about her. Do you want to?"

In that moment their roles seemed to reverse. Madi climbed out of her bed and offered Clarke her hand.

"Not tonight. It's past my bed time."

Clarke laughed and took Madi's hand standing up also.

"That it is little Miss. So where exactly are we going if you should be in this bed right here?"

Madi grinned, the childishness creeping back into her face.

"Someone has to make sure nomon goes to bed too."

Madi hesitated.

"Can I... I stay with you tonight?"

In answer, Clarke held out her arms and Madi leapt into them wrapping her arms round Clarke's neck and her legs around her waist.

Slowly Clarke walked them into her room and tucked Madi into bed.

"Good night  _ai strik gona. (my little warrior)_."

* * *

It was early in the morning.

Before dawn.

Clarke was still asleep.

Madi was sat up in the bed beside her.

Slowly, carefully, she climbed out of bed and padded in her little plaid pyjamas, on her little bare feet round to the bedside table beside Clarke.

Madi quietly unlocked Clarke's phone. She knew the password. 12 - 5 - 24 - 1. She went to Clarke's contacts.

There were very few. Her name was one of them.

She found his name.

Madi's little tongue poked out between her teeth as she concentrated on typing Bellamy Blake's number into her own phone.

She was still getting to grips with the device.

She saved the number just like Clarke had shown her.

She was going to need that.

Her mother needed her help.

* * *

Clarke switched off the vacuum cleaner and looked around the living room.

After dropping Madi off at school she had gone on a near brutal cleaning spree of their apartment.

It was an attempt to keep her mind off things, but it wasn't really working.

Sighing, she headed to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine, took a sip, then grimaced.

_'Wine drinking before noon. Way to go Griffin.'_

Suddenly there was a knock at the front door.

Putting her glass down, she headed to the door and looked out through the peephole.

It was a good thing she had put her wine down, else she may of dropped it.

She pulled open the door.

"Bellamy?"

He was stood there with his hands in his jacket pockets, looking down at her.

"Hey" he said, his voice a little gruff.

They stood awkwardly for a moment before Bellamy proffered a small half smile, that was really just a twitch of the corner of his mouth.

"You gonna let me in Princess?"

"Shoot, yes, come in."

She stepped back and allowed Bellamy into the apartment before leading him into the living room.

There they stood apart.

Neither knowing what to say to the other.

"So..." Clarke hesitated and looked at the ground "Didn't think I'd be seeing you again for a while after the other night."

Bellamy frowned.

"Did Madi not tell you?"

It was Clarke's turn to frown.

"Tell me what?"

"She texted me this morning."

"She did what?!" Clarke exclaimed.

In answer Bellamy handed her his phone.

As Clarke read the text that Madi had sent to Bellamy, she felt her face lose all it's colour, and Bellamy's own words hit her like a tone of bricks.

"That kid is something special. But me and you? We need to talk."


	10. They Were Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy talk.   
> There are tears. 
> 
> Trigger warning for this chapter; skip to notes at the end to find out details if you want to.

"We need to talk."

Clarke swallowed and handed his phone back to him.

"Madi shouldn't have told you any of that. I was just trying to explain what happened... everything that happened and why we were fighting at dinner. I didn't realise she would -"

"Clarke."

The single use of her name, halted her stumbling explanation in it's tracks.

She looked up at Bellamy from beneath her lashes and nervously tucked her hair behind her ear.

Bellamy paced for a minute, before sitting down on the couch, lent forwards slightly with his elbows on his knees and rubbing his hands together with slight agitation.

"You know I never blamed you right? Not for Gina or Jasper or any of them. Tell me you know that?"

Clarke all but collapsed down onto the armchair behind her.

"I know" she managed to get out. "But  _I did_."

"Clarke-"

"I knew how much you cared about Jasper. Like he was your brother. And G... Gina. I knew how much you loved her and... and I couldn't saved her. I failed her... and you."

Bellamy blinked.

"Is that why you left?"

"Partly."

Bellamy let out a humourless laugh, sounding so choked up that he almost sounded angry.

"I think you owe me more than 'partly' Clarke. You left. In the middle of the night, with no explanation to any of us and then we didn't hear from you for three years. Do better than 'partly'."

Clarke swallowed and looked at her hands.

"Feeling like I let you down. Losing our friends... my dad... and..."

She couldn't.

She came so close but she couldn't get the words out.

"Madi said you were sick, after?"

Clarke closed her eyes briefly and then said

"In a way. Yeah."

"Was it serious?"

Clarke bit her lip and looked away from him.

"I can't" her voice was cracking, hoarse and full of suppressed emotion "Bellamy... I can't... I haven't told... even my mom doesn't..."

Bellamy moved, crossing the room in three strides and crouching in front of Clarke.

"You can't keep shit inside like that. I did it for years and it almost cost me everything. Don't do that to yourself."

Seemingly without thinking, Bellamy put his hand on Clarke's knee.

"I... I had a miscarriage."

Silence.

Bellamy's mouth was slack with horror.

Clarke's bottom lip was trembling and she was digging her nails so hard into the palms of her hands that he was worried she was going to draw blood. He grabbed her hands and unfurled them, running his thumb over the crescent shaped indentations in her skin.

"God Clarke I... I didn't know. Why wouldn't you tell me? Or Raven or-"

"I only told the father when I found out I was pregnant. And he found out when I lost it - her." Clarke's voice broke. "They... they called him... when I ended up in hospital. He... he blamed me... said if I had listened to him... stopped working straight away, if I hadn't gone to Mount Weather to help... he said it was my fault. That I killed my baby."

Bellamy grit his teeth.

"That is bullshit Clarke. You have to know that. Whoever this asshole is or was he was taking crap. It wasn't your fault. Hey, hey look at me" he tilted her face so that she was looking at him. Clarke was biting her lip again and on instinct Bellamy reached out and used his thumb to smooth out the skin from between her teeth. He smiled up at her, with his eyes shining with unshed tears.

"It wasn't your fault." he all but whispered and they both knew he wasn't just talking about what the asshole had said.

Clarke somehow hiccuped a laugh through her tears. But she didn't know why she laughed. She felt like doing anything but.

"I'm sorry" she said "I'm sorry I didn't save Gina. I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I didn't tell you why. But we'd just lost everyone in Mount Weather. Octavia had just been discharged, you were trying to deal with getting her treatment for her PTSD and sorting out Gina's funeral. So I ran. And I left you. And I'm sorry."

"Hey" Bellamy tucked a loose lock of hair behind Clarke's ear "It doesn't matter. Not anymore. You're back. You're back, with us and you've got a bad ass kid-"

They both laughed at that.

"A bad ass kid who is clearly way smarter than both of us. You're home Clarke. You don't have to run anymore."

With a hiccup that seemed like a combination of a laugh and a sob Clarke threw her arms around Bellamy with a hug that nearly threw him onto his back.

They just stayed that way for a while.

Both on their knees in Clarke's living room, their arms around each other.

Clarke's head rested against Bellamy's shoulder and Bellamy pressed his lips to the top of her head.

It was a simple gesture that said it all.

They were okay now.

They were okay.

* * *

" _Nomon_!"

Madi came running out of the school gates, a piece of paper clutched in her hand.

"Look what I drew!"

Clarke looked at the picture being brandished in her face.

It was a picture of her family.

Clarke and Madi in the middle (though Clarke seemed to have been given freckles she didn't posses in real life).

Around the edge was Abby and Kane, Bellamy and Raven. Octavia and Lincoln were in the top left corner, Monty and Harper to the right and Lula and Muprhy to the left. Jackson, Miller and Emori completed the picture.

Damn.

If she hadn't spent a good few hours that morning crying her eyes out, Clarke may have just broken down right there.

With a deep breath she smiled at Madi and gave her a hug.

"It's wonderful Madi."

They walked through the parking lot hand in hand until Madi spotted a familiar figure.

"Bellamy!"

She looked up at Clarke who nodded, and Madi let go of her hand and ran towards the eldest Blake sibling, jumping up and letting him catch her in his arms.

Glancing over her shoulder at Clarke, Madi leaned in and whispered conspiratorially in Bellamy's ear.

" _Did you get my text_?!"

"Yes he got your text Madi Lexa Griffin." Clarke said grimly and Bellamy put Madi back on the ground, where she scrapped the toe of her boot through the gravel, not meeting her mother's eyes.

"It's rude to discuss private conversations isn't it Madi?" Clarke said with her eyebrows raised.

Bellamy was struggling to keep a straight face.

"Yes  _nomon_."

"And it's rude to go through people's phones isn't it Madi?"

"Yes  _nomon_."

Clarke crouched down and looked up at Madi.

"So you should consider yourself very lucky that your devious little plan worked, shouldn't you?" Clarke said with a smile.

Madi frowned then looked at both Clarke and Bellamy with a hopeful grin on her face.

"Friends again?"

Bellamy chuckled and ruffled Madi's hair.

"Yeah kid. All thanks to you."

They got into the truck.

Then Madi made both Bellamy and Clarke choke when she said brightly

"So when are you getting married?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING - TALK ABOUT LOSS OF CHILD/MISCARRIAGE.
> 
> Phew that was hard to write.  
> I hope everyone's okay.  
> Let me know what you think, hearing from you inspires me.  
> More soon.  
> Geronimo xx


	11. Heda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Griffins have a new family member.   
> Madi goes on her first sleepover.   
> Bellamy does not approve.

"Right have you got all the emergency numbers in your phone? Me, Grandma Abby, Kane, Auntie Raven, Bella-"

"Yes  _nomon_."

Madi was looking at herself in the mirror, tongue poking out in concentration as she tied a ribbon around her braids.

Both mother and daughter were nervous.

Only one of them was showing it.

"Sleeping bag, pillow, toothbrush?"

" _Sha_!"

"Sorry, sorry it's just-"

"It's just that you, oh Mad - Monster, are going on your first sleepover and your dear mother is trying not to have a meltdown!" came a voice that could only come from a smirking Murphy.

Raven had told Clarke, she was giving Murphy her key for the evening. She had to remember that so as not to scream when a wild Murphy just appeared in her apartment.

"Hi Uncle Murphy!" Madi waved with a broad grin.

"Sprog." He nodded at Madi. "Mother of Sprog."

Clarke glared at him, before turning back to Madi and saying

"I just want to make sure you have a good time."

"I will  _nomon_."

With a smile, Clarke turned to Murphy.

"Heda will probably just sleep, but throw him some dry food at about 7:30pm, I'll be back not long after that."

"Relax Clarke, I've dog-sat before." Murphy said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah well this puppy is queen of the Griffin household at the moment, so if anything happens to her, forget me,  _Madi_  will kill you." Clarke warned.

So yeah.

They now had a dog.

That had happened.

That had happened two day after Bellamy and Clarke had spent half an hour hugging on their knees on Clarke's living room floor.

Grandma Abby had bought Madi a puppy.

A Doctor Puppy as Madi called her.

A tiny, five week old Beagle, who Madi had been diligently carrying round the block twice a day every day, because she was too young to go on proper walks yet.

Clarke had felt silly asking Murphy to dog sit Heda, just while she took Madi to her first ever sleepover, but Heda couldn't come in the car with them yet, she just went too crazy and they didn't have a proper crate in the trunk yet.

"Come on Madi. We don't want to be late!"

Madi picked up her backpack and pillow and ran towards the front door, bursting with excitement.

"Bye Uncle Murphy!"

"See ya Sprog!"

"I won't be long." Clarke said, leaning down and scratching Heda behind her ears.

"Don't stress about me Clarke."

"I was talking to the puppy."

"Touche".

* * *

Clarke got back in the car, rested her head against the back of her seat and sighed.

She had managed to do it. She had managed to drop Madi off at the sleepover, without crying.

Suddenly her phone rang, alarmingly loud in the quiet of the car.

She pulled it out, looked at the screen then frowned as she answered

"Bellamy?"

"Hey." Came his low voice. "I was just calling because I'm at your apartment and I didn't want you to freak out."

"What? Why? Where's Murphy?"

"He called me, said something about an emergency at the restaurant. Dunno if he was lying but, he asked for a favour, so yeah, I'm here with the dog. Heda right?"

"Uh yeah, yeah that's Heda." Clarke's mind was racing "I uh, I'll be back in about half an hour, depends on traffic, and I need to grab some groceries on the way home. So just, yeah, help yourself to anything in the fridge and I'll be home to relieve you of dog duties soon. Thanks for this Bellamy."

"No problem Princess."

* * *

Clarke was halfway through the process of balancing two bulging bags of groceries on her hip so that she could put her key in the lock, when she almost jumped out of her skin as Bellamy opened the door, holding Heda in his arms.

"How did you..."

"Clarke I could hear you swearing from downstairs."

Bellamy stepped back and as Clarke passed him, effortlessly swapped Heda into one arm and scooped one bag out of Clarke's arms.

They walked into the kitchen, Bellamy gently depositing Heda onto the floor, where she scampered over to her water bowl.

Without speaking, they moved around each other, putting groceries away in comfortable silence.

When they were done, Clarke looked over at him.

"Beer?"

"Not gonna say no."

Clarke took two beers from the top of the fridge and handed one to Bellamy. They both walked through into the living room and sat down on the sofa. Heda came pattering in behind them and curled up in a ball at Bellamy's feet.

Clarke raised an eyebrow and looked down at Heda over her beer.

"Traitor."

Bellamy chuckled.

"What can I say? I'm irresistible."

Both chuckling, they took long drinks from their beers and Clarke relaxed back into the couch.

"So Madi's first sleepover huh? How're you holdin' up?"

"I'm okay. I'm just excited that she was so excited."

"It's good she's making friends."

"Yeah it is. And she adores Aden -"

"Wait Aden?" Bellamy was frowning now.

"Yeah, he's a boy in her class. Why?"

"You let her sleepover at a boy's house?"

Now it was Clarke's turn to frown, though really she was suppressing a smile.

"You're acting like I didn't sleep over at your house every week until I was sixteen."

"You were there for Octavia not me, so that's beside the point-"

"Bellamy" Clarke shifted so that she was turned in towards him, putting a hand on his chest.

"He's Madi's best friend. When Lightbourne picked on her in class, that little boy was the only one to stand up for Madi. I've met him, I've met his parents, and I was assured by his Mom, that the boys and girls would be sleeping in separate rooms. Aaannnnd... even if they weren't? They. Are. Ten. Years. Old! I don't need you questioning my parenting this early on!" she said with a laugh, slapping Bellamy's chest with each word.

"Okay, Okay! I get it, I over reacted! Would you stop hitting me?! Stop, stop it..."

Bellamy's threatening and Clarke's laughter slowly faded as Bellamy caught hold of the hand whacking his chest and pulled, causing Clarke, who was off balance already to all but fall into his lap.

"Sorry, I..."

Bellamy started to apologise.

But Clarke's face was just so close to his.

He could see the tiny gold flakes in the blue of her eyes.

He wasn't sure if he was leaning in or she was...

RRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

"Jesus!" Bellamy said as they both jumped, and Clarke scrambled back to her side of the couch, trying desperately to contain the flush spreading across her face. He pulled his phone from his pocket and answered it.

"What?" he snapped.

Clarke watched as Bellamy's irate expression softened quickly and he lent forwards, listening intently.

"Murphy! Murphy slow down!" He said "Where are you?"

She could only make out garbled sounds from the other end of the line, but a familiar look of anger and fallen upon Bellamy's face.

"I'm on my way. Call Miller! Be safe!"

Bellamy was already on his feet before he had hung up the phone.

"I've got to go." he said as he pulled his jacket on. He was tense all over.

"Bellamy? Bellamy what's wrong? What's happened?"

"That was Murphy. Lula she... We thought she was safe but... I've got to go."

Clarke's mind made itself up in a matter of seconds.

"I'm coming with you."

"Clarke you've got Heda, I'll be fine."

"Heda can come too. I only couldn't take her earlier, because I can't trust Madi to hold her properly in the car. If you're driving..."

Bellamy nodded once, already heading for the door. Clarke scooped up Heda in her arms and followed him, pausing to lock the door behind them.

They hurried downstairs, out of the building and towards Bellamy's truck, climbing quickly inside.

As the truck roared to life and Bellamy sped out onto the road. Clarke looked at him.

"What did you mean you thought she was safe?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun Dun Duuuuuuh!  
> Murphy's Lula love is in trouble.  
> The Griffin's have a dog.  
> Bonus points if you can work out what is special about Heda before I tell you in the next chapter!  
> Let me know what you think, love to hear from you!  
> More soon.  
> Geronimo xx


	12. Grounding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lula talk.   
> Some more of the past is revealed.

"Murphy!"

Bellamy called out his name as soon as they entered the house.

"Up here!" came the response.

Bellamy hurried up the stairs, Clarke right behind him. They turned at the top of the stairs to find Murphy sat on the floor, his back against a door, knees up with his elbows resting on them and his head resting on clenched fists.

He raised his head when he heard them approaching and Clarke could see straight away that his eyes were rimmed red.

"Bellamy" Murphy's voice sounded slightly croaky as Bellamy strode forwards, pulled the younger man to his feet and they hugged.

"She's in the bathroom, she wont tell me what happened but - what is she doing here?!" Murphy interrupted his own sentence as he pulled away from Bellamy and glowered at Clarke.

"Murphy..."

"She - she shouldn't be here - she's not Lula's - she's doesn't know - is that her fucking puppy?"

Clarke stayed where she was, halfway down the hallway, with Heda in her arms.

"Murphy I told her. She knows enough."

Now Murphy rounded on Bellamy.

"You had no right!"

Bellamy took the anger in stride.

"Murphy she can help- "

"No she can't! Lula doesn't know her!"

"That might be the best thing." Clarke spoke up hesitantly "Sometimes, the best person to talk to is someone you don't know very well. Plus Heda can help."

"Your fuckin' dog?" Murphy scoffed.

"Heda's training to be a service dog. Specifically for ptsd. She's learning quick and even if not, you'd be amazed how much dogs can get people to open up."

Bellamy chimed in;

"Put it this way Murphy; is she talking to you?"

All the fight seemed to leave Murphy and he visibly sagged.

"She won't even let me in the door."

"I'm no good at this, so we may as well let Clarke try. She knows what she's doing. C'mon man."

Murphy took a deep breath and levelled his gaze at Clarke.

"You upset her, I'll kill you. Understand?"

"I understand."

Murphy stepped to the side and allowed Clarke to get to the door.

With her free hand, Clarke knocked on the door.

"Lula? Lula, it's - it's Clarke."

Silence from the other side of the door.

"Lula, I'm not going to pretend I know what you're going through. But I know a thing or two about hiding from things when it hurts."

More silence.

"I'll tell you what, I'm gonna sit out here for five minutes. You can let me in, or you can choose not to, it's up to you. But I'm here as a friend. And I'm here for whatever you need."

Clarke sat down, taking Murphy's place against the door and stroking Heda's fur.

She had been sat there for a few minutes when she heard the door creak behind her.

Getting to her feet, Clarke shot a reassuring half smile at Murphy before slipping into the bathroom.

As the door shut behind her, Bellamy clapped Murphy on the shoulder.

"C'mon man. Nothing we can do for now. Why don't we go and - "

"As long as she's in that bathroom, I'm not going anywhere." Murphy said flopping down onto the top stair and putting his head in his hands, as Bellamy sat beside him and and put a hand on his shoulder.

* * *

"Lock it."

Clarke did as she was told and then turned to face Lula.

The redhead was sat on the floor, her arms around her knees leaning against the bath and staring straight ahead.

"Can I sit down Lula?" Clarke asked and Lula jerked her head once in affirmation.

Clarke sat cross legged besides Lula, but made sure she was not too close.

She wasn't 100% sure what to say.

So she just started talking and let her heart lead her mouth.

"You know, after Lexa - Madi's first Mom - died, Madi was a mess. So was I." Clarke said, just looking straight ahead and storking Heda's fur. "The last thing she asked of me was to look after Madi. So I pushed everyone away. In my head, Madi was my responsibility, no one else could help her or look after her, it had to be me, I'd made a promise."

Lula didn't speak.

"The thing was, I wasn't in any state to be making decisions for a child, or even myself. We were still in TonDC, so I didn't know many people, and the ones I did know I'd pushed away. I was either sleeping all the time or staying awake for days. I was drinking. A lot. I started neglecting everything. Work, chores, painting, eating... even Madi."

Clarke knew her face must be the picture of guilt. She hadn't spoken to anyone about this since they arrived back in Arkadia. But Lula needed to hear it.

"Finally my Mom flew over. She took one look at me, threw me in the shower and ripped me apart."

"You were grieving. Didn't she care?" It was the first thing Lula had said.

"Of course she did. But my Mom has experience with the unholy trinity; grief, PTSD and addiction. She went through it all, when my grandmother died, when my father died. So she knew what I needed. And it worked. I saw what I had let happen."

Lula looked at her, a silent plea to explain.

"We were living in a temporary shack, but I'd let it go to ruin, it was filthy, a mess. The fridge was empty. Almost thirty empty bottles all over the place. And Madi..."

Clarke let out a shaky breath.

"She was so skinny, so dirty. She was covered in bruises and I found out later she'd been stealing food from the market. Only she kept getting caught, hence the bruises. I did that. I let that happen to the most important person in my life."

Clarke swallowed back the bile that had risen in her throat at the memory of what Madi had looked like when she finally woke the hell up. Then, she turned to Lula, and carefully took one of her slender hands.

"What I'm trying to tell you, trying to show you, is that when things happen to us, a lot of the time, most people's instinct is to shut everyone else out. I did that because I was hanging on to my promise to Lexa that  _I_  would look after Madi. But I could've killed her if it had carried on, all because I shut everyone out to try and protect what I loved."

Clarke squeezed Lula's hand and tucked a red curl behind her ear, like she would with Madi.

"That's what you're doing isn't it? You're pushing Murphy away because you want to protect him. And you're scared that if you talk to him, you'll hurt him. Am I right?"

Lula looked up at her, silent tears trickling down her face and she nodded.

"I know Jon" she said in a whisper "Even when we were kids, if someone upset me, he'd either get angry at them or himself. I just want..."

"... to keep him safe. To keep him happy."

Lula nodded, and Clarke pulled the younger girl into a hug as she started to cry in earnest.

"Shh, shh, shhhh. It's okay."

As they embraced, Heda, clearly feeling abandoned, wedged her nose between the two young women and shoved and wiggled her way forwards until they were forced to separate. Clearly satisfied, Heda settled in Lula's lap, leaning back against her chest.

Lula hiccuped a tear filled giggle.

"What's she doing?"

Clarke laughed.

"It's the only command she's really mastered. She's trying to ground you, help you feel less anxious. We're training her to be Madi's service dog."

As Lula stroked Heda's fur, Clarke smiled softly at the pair.

"Lula?"

She looked up at Clarke.

"I know it's hard. I know it feels like you should just stay in here and lock yourself away to protect him. But trust me when I say that feeling like he can't help you is making him hurt more than anything you could say to him. Now I can be here and help you as a friend always, but from what I've heard? No one knows you better than him. Talk to him. I'll hold your hand and be there the whole way but... just talk to him."

* * *

Murphy was on his feet in a second when he heard the bathroom door unlock, Bellamy right behind him.

The door opened and Clarke came out.

Then Lula, with Heda in her arms.

Murphy wanted nothing more than to rush over to his girlfriend but he held back.

"Hey" he said in a slightly strained voice.

"Hi" Lula said.

Then there was a silence.

"Why don't we all go downstairs?" Clarke said.

"Heda needs some water and I think Lula wants to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so;  
> I let one of my friends read this before I posted it and the one thing she asked was "why would Lula talk to Clarke who she's only known for a few weeks?"
> 
> My answer:  
> My logic is that sometimes it is easier to talk to someone you dont know as well but who still has insight into what you're going through and how to help. This is why people go to therapists etc. who are basically strangers you tell your issues to in hopes that they will help. I know that's what I did. I met my therapist once and the next time I saw her I spilled my guts.   
> So that is why I thought that Lula may talk to Clarke. Because clarke is still somewhat a stranger but she clearly understands how she feels at least to an extent.  
> Is that ok?
> 
> Let me know what you think. Love hearing from y'all.  
> More soon.  
> Geronimo xx

**Author's Note:**

> Bellarke is my otp  
> But seriously even if they never get together on the show, their relationship and bond and just everything about of it means so much to me.  
> Also I love John Murphy and Richard Harmon told me I looked like Clarke so I can die happy.   
> I love hearing feedback and thoughts and ideas about what you like and want to see more of so let me know!   
> More soon y'all.   
> Geronimo xx


End file.
